Many do not realize it, but there is a violence cycle in an abusive relationship. Ultimately, this means that there is a distinct pattern in which the abuse that is typically experienced is issues. In the first stages, the partner who abuses will actually act in an aggressive manner.
Such aggressive behavior is indicative of power trips enjoyed by the abusive partner, who views violence as a means of controlling the victim. Although this behavior is typical of many abusers, violence does not stop here. The cycle of violence and abuse entails several other stages.
After a violent episode, the abusive partner will feel remorseful. This guilt is usually brought about by fear of repercussions, both legal and social. The feeling of remorse is seldom due to their partner’s physical condition or emotion.
The abusive partner selfishly worries about the reaction of friends and family over his violent deeds. In addition, the abuser fears the law should the abused partner file a criminal case in court. The abuser will almost never feel sorry for their violent actions and the results. Violence can be in many forms including spoken, physical and emotional.
After experiencing guilt, abusive partners proceed to rationalization, a stage in the cycle of violence and abuse where they try to justify their violent behavior. Abusers find it hard to admit being the culprit of physical violence, verbal abuse and emotional beatings.
They like to think that their partners are directly responsible for the violence and abuse. In this stage, the abusive partners pass the blame from themselves to their victims. The abusive partners also now stage behavior to convince the world that they are the real victims, and not the culprits of a violent and abusive relationship.
From rationalization, abusive partners then loosen up and revert to being sweet and mild mannered. They are likely to demonstrate the same pleasing behavior which led their victims to agree to pursue a long-term relationship with them in the first place.
This is usually referred to as the “Honeymoon Phase” by mental health experts. Abuse victims are usually fooled into believing that their abusive partners have mended their ways.
The Honeymoon Phase is quite brief however. The abusive partners regress to their hateful, hurtful and violent selves after making one full turn. The cycle of violence and abuse then repeats itself, and this is the sad reality that people who are in a violent and abusive relationship always find themselves in.
The reality is that the abuser may never change. It is too difficult for them. Help should be sought immediately in order for you, or the person that you know in an abusive relationship to recover from the devastation that has been experienced.