by Joseph Matthews
I covered how we flirt nonverbally, now let’s look at how to do it by talking!
To note: unfortunately, women are far better in regards to the verbal end of communication than men are. There is good news though!
The good news? When it comes to flirting, verbal communication makes up, at most, less than ten percent of the equation! By that I mean that, altogether, it doesn’t matter so much what you are saying.
Let’s go deeper into this though. You can blow it with words, easily. But you can also REALLY learn to communicate well with them, to the point where you can master it as well as any woman.
The key is to learn to the unwritten rules governing verbal communication. By obeying these rules, you will appear to be more spontaneous, as your conversations will run smoother, but it will take practice.
Think of the situation as trying to learn how to drive a stick shift. You might switch gears poorly at first, as expected. But after awhile, it becomes far more smooth and seems automatic.
If you practice, you will also gain a huge advantage over those that don’t try and learn the rules of communication. Most don’t realize the importance, which is a shame, as they tend to sabotage and frustrate themselves.
The rules are pretty simple, and they govern certain areas. Let’s look at the first area, which happens to be, perhaps, the MOST difficult of all of the areas for men – the opening line.
OPENERS:
I’m sure you’ve been in this situation before: You see a pretty girl, and start walking over to her, then FREEZE when you realize that you have NOTHING to say to her!
It’s frustrating, to say the least.
Well, here’s some good news. What I wrote earlier about the nonverbal part being more important than the verbal part of flirting? It still holds true here.
In fact, the best general opener is, often times, lines that can easily be recognized as openers!
Say if you just were to say “Nice weather we are having, huh?” It’s pretty obvious what you are up to. Now, if the other party is interested, the response should be positive regardless.
This can help take some pressure off you, and give you an idea of how to interpret your success. By trying to be clever, or indirect, you might just wasting time on trying to pull off a great “performed” opener.
How you say it will be far more important than what is said, when it comes to the opener. If you REALLY are asking it as a question, rather than trying to flirt, well, it’s going to sound plain weird. Saying it as as statement is far better.
The response will let you know how successful you were. It sounds elementary, but it always begs questions. Positive, open responses show that she wants to continue. One word, monotone answers don’t bode well. No answer is worse. If you get those, move on.
The weather comment, obviously, is great outside. What about indoors? The key is to make an observation. If it’s crowded, comment on that. Use your imagination.
Essentially, you want to make an observation about what is going on, etc.. Now, this isn’t the only way to open, but from experience I can tell you it’s fairly easy and doesn’t require you to pull off a joke. For more variations on how to do this, be sure to check out my website.
It’s also quite standard. People know it and are used to such a thing. It’s not intrusive or threatening so it can easily. It’s not demanding either – it allows the woman a way out.
Now, if you were to pose it as actually demanding an answer, like “What do you make of this weather?”, it puts her a bit on the spot. She doesn’t want to be rude, nor does she want to e roped in. And that question demands an in depth answer, so essentially that is what you are doing.
Some social contexts allow for more variations – a sporting event is an example, as well as hobbies, business, school. You can comment on those things, asking the woman what she thinks of the situation, the team, etc.. Just use the interrogative formula above, and it becomes rather easy.
The varying answers to the question indicate how she is responding to you. The positive response, nonverbally, will be coupled with some verbal cues: personalization, length of response, and questioning.
With length, watch to see how long a response you get from her – if it’s the same length or longer, that’s a good sign. Shorter, coupled with negative body language, is generally bad.
In personalization, she’ll use the word “I” or “me” in the sentence, is another good sign – such as “Yes, I think they’ll win it all this year.” is good – she’s willing to engage in the line of questioning.
On top of the personalization, she might respond with it, AND in the interrogative form. This is saying “please continue to talk”. For example, if asked about the weather, she might say “It is dreary! I thought it would clear up by the afternoon. What have you heard?” This is a wonderful sign, as she’s fully engaged with you.
Most of the time, when such an exchange happens, people dismiss it as just a polite exchange, when in fact it can be so much more. It’s a friendly invitation to open conversation – and by knowing this, you’ll have that leg up from the other guys out there that I mentioned!
The above lines have nothing clever about them. Very simple, time tested and effective. So what about other lines you see bandied about? They ARE useful, but also advanced. They rely on you being able to gauge her response correctly, which takes time. As I mentioned before, check my website for more information on the usage of such lines.
Don’t make the mistake of opening with a flirtation. The end result is normally a cliche, cheesy line. You’ll probably end up a bad story that a girl will share with her friends!
Pay attention to how the simple openers above effect the women you talk to. You’ll get a feel for opening successfully, which opens the path to better success with women!